The experiment

      In honor of Islamic Awareness wdek, I participated in the MSA wear a Johan for a day. I recieved some attention on campus but I wanted to see how I would be presented off campus. So I went to downtown grand rapids. Suprisingly I recieved more attention on campus that off campus.
    Islam, contrary to popular belief is a religion of peace. The root of the word Islam is peace. Islam gets a bad image from 1. Islamic extremists. 2. The media. 3. Fear of the unknown. Let's start with Islamic extremists, every religion had extremists , we have them right here in America. A lot of them actually. Remember the woman who killed all of her children in a bath tub because Jesus told her so? That's extremism. The media has this cycle of picking a bad guy for the society to fear, African Americans, Korea, China, muslims, native Americans. Americans, not all, but most don't take the time to read unbiased news or investigate for themselves. So fear comes in to play, I bet half of you don't know 10 true facts about Arabs or muslims. At this point i dint take ignorance as an excuse you have the choice to think for yourself. You have the choice to educate yourself. You are your own teacher.
      During my walk on camous, wearing the hijab,I heard and experienced several things. I experienced staring, the kind of staring that happens when hounding known what your looking at, the curiousity look. Then I experienced those who avoided eye contact. You know when you try not to stare at someone do you just avoid them all together. What shocked me was when a woman stopped me to ask me if I spoke English and replied that I did, and she told me my English was very good. I was born in America, my first language is English. Americans can be Muslims too. Its not just the middle east, the lasrgest population of Muslims is actually in Asia. Shocking right?
Anyways, after the intial shovknof her comment I told her I had lived here all my life and that my first language was English. Lastly, I was unrecognizable to one of my professors and he asked me if I had belonged in the class. I can't blame him for his comment.

This is just a little insight on how you Muslims are treated in this country. My experience was very mild compared to others.

My lesson here is , educate yourself so we can eliminate prejudice and discrimination.

 Sometimes we fall for the wrong people, however these people seem so perfect at first.

We look past there flaws and only see what we want to see, but why? We are so scared to be alone that we will make some seem so perfect for us when they are everything we don't want.

I always try to look for someone different, but in reality they all are the same, some worse than others.

Stubborn

Self Centered

Narcissistic

Emotionally unavailable

Liars

Cheats

Charismatic

 Manipulative

It seems crazy but taking a 6 month break to really look at the type of people I get myself involved with helps.  

No one I have involved myself with in the past year was worth dating, being involved with or honestly being friends with.

I notice this afterwards of course.

So  now I know what I want, and i will not settle for less

 1. A MAN

I cant even stress this enough, no matter how old they are they seem to still act like little boys with fancy shiny ass toys. Childish, focused on short term things. They see me as a girl, no I do not play those stupid girl games. I am a woman, and I don't have time for back and forth bull crap.

 2. HONEST

I don't think I've been involved with one honest guy this year, they come off as honest. " I have nothing to hide" BULLSHIT. A white little lie is still a lie. Honesty is the most important factor in a relationship and if a relationship starts off with lies it will end on lies.

3. HAS GOALS

Short term. Long term.  Doesn't matter but if your 30 years old and your goal is to buy the new Nikes, probably not the best.

I'm really tired of being the fat friend.
I'm tired of being over looked.
I'm tired of never being good enough.
I'm tired of never being anyones first choice.
I am the fat friend.
The friend you don't set up on dates with your single friends.
I'm not the friend that all your single guy friends go googly eyed over.
 I'm the friend that is just there.
I'm a fun friend, I'm a loyal friend.
But I am the fat friend.
I'm the friend no one really notices if they are gone.
I'm the fat friend that makes everyone else look better
I'm tired of being a shadow, I;m tired of being overlooked.
I am that friend that guys use when they are bored.
The easy targeted friend,the only if I'm extremely wasted friend.
I've always been the fat friend.
I'm really fucking tired of it.

Dating Preference Challenged.

So this maybe a little ranty.....
Sorry. Not sorry.

So I've come across this question several times in my life, and also recently. I've been asked why I prefer not to date black men.

The truth is I do and would date a black man, however there is a type that I can not bring myself to get involved with.

These " Black" men that I am not attracted to:
 1. Sag their pants. I mean seriously pull you damn pants up! I don't get it. If you were in jail, you'd be asking for it.

2. Uses Ebonics. Seriously my biggest pet peeve. Speak English.You can speak Arabic, Spanish or Chinese I don't care. Something I can at least trey to learn and understand. I literally hate Ebonics, Its lazy speaking. Say the full word and what the hell is up with eliminating letters fro words.

"I goin to da sto."

wtf?

3. Talks about getting that cutty? First of all. I had to have some explain what that means. If you need to brag loudly about how you are gong to try to get laid all weekend. MAJOR TURN OFF!!!

4. You don't have your priorities in check. If your main priority is getting tattoos, buying those new jays and you cant even afford to pay your cell phone bill. Or you don't have a car and you still live with your parents. Why don't you save up, get your own place, buy a car and then maybe you can that cutty.

5. If you are loud and Obnoxious. I mean making a scene over nothing. Hootin and hollerin because you got it in this weekend. Or Claiming everything is because you are black. Believe me, being a a minority is hard. Discrimination is real. It happens, but if you exemplify every NEGATIVE stereotype of the African American race you are not helping yourself.

6. You act like a thug. End of story.

7. You do not have any productive and real goals. For instance, having a career, furthering your education, having a family. Not buying new shoes, or throwing stripper parties. But real life goals. Sure this can be short term goals. But that shouldnt be your only goal in life.



I was told that I am betraying my ancestors by preferring not to date  black men who exemplify these characteristics .  Which makes no sense. First off my Ancestors are from Africa, Germany, and Ireland. I am multi racial. I will embrace each of my ancestral lines. I will not conform to a cultural behavior that makes you look like an idiot. You do not have to be black to be an example of this. I don't care what race you are, i will not involve myself with you if you are like this.

Self love and weeding out the crazies

Here is a little rant from me today.

If I never re-found my self worth, i would probably be spending all of my time with some loser who is also doing the same thing to 5 other girls, and promising them the world and his love.

But I'm not.

My days are about me, I know that sounds selfish, but that's kind of the point.

I am not a fool for anyone. 

I am 21 years old, but I am wise.

I have dated 3 people in my dating career.

However, I have gone on  terrible dates, had pointless flings, encountered numerous awful '"pick up lines'"and "cat callings".

So here are a few words to try to weed out those bad apples with awful intentions.

1. If a guy only wants to talk to you when he is lonely, hes to desperate.

Don't go for the desperate ones, because they too need to find their self worth. how do you expect your partner to fully love you if they cant even love themselves. 

2. The " I can change for you guy." Now having  a guy who is willing to change his actions to no longer hurt a woman is different. Im talking about the man, who changes his personal belief system to fit your. Be with someone who is strong in their beliefs, however are open to listening to the other side, and accepts your beliefs without trying to change them.

3. The clingy guy. No one wants a cling on. And you should never be that cling on. Codependency is not is not attractive. Have separate lives and have a life together.  Of course being around a person and getting involved in their interests is only normal, but you need, and so do they , need to have separate interests. Think about this, it gives you something to talk about.

4. The Sweet talker. Mostly likely we will all meet this guy at some point. He is going to make you feel good about yourself, hes going to rise you up and put you on a podium. But don't get to high because soon hes going to knock you down. it may not be physical. Hes going to be the one to say I love you first, and its going to be soon. Hes going to be sweet and then not so sweet. You'll get suspicious of hos behavior and you'll question him, an he will turn it around on you. And in the end, you will find out everything was true. Most likely hes a sociopath, never caring about you enough to not hurt you.

These are just a few of the kinds of guys you might meet, but if you are a strong, independent, self loving woman you will know when you meet these men. 

Self-love is my first love, and then my partner. Not the other way around.

And if you have self love the chances of you finding a man who sees your inner beauty, electricity, self loving nature, you will find a man who likely has the same!

Never Settle for less ladies!

I'm in the best relationship!

So lately, I've been thinking.
I'm finally in the best relationship of my life.
I don't feel stressed, taken advantage of, abused or unloved in this relationship.
I can depend on this relationship, I enjoy this relationship.
There is so much love in this relationship that it spills over onto others.
This relationship is with myself.
I have never really (really) been single.
I mean yes, I haven't always had a title with the person I was involved with, but I wasn't single.
Even if they were.
I've never truly been alone, I've always had someone to call, to cuddle with, to hangout, go on dates with.
Its nice, I mean really nice to take time to myself, for myself.
The thing is, I was scared to be alone. I felt I always needed someone.
That's the poison, thinking you need someone.
You never need anyone.
 I let someone control my life for months because I thought I needed them. I let that person tarnish relationships I had with other people because I refused to listen to those trying to help me.
That relationship was toxic, and I couldn't help but continue to take in the poison.
I'm at this point, where I have finally moved on.
Ill never be at the point where I think what happened was ok, but I'm not going to let him ruin my life, while he is out living his.
I never thought I would be at this point, of no more tears from that pain.
But I am at the point where I have tears of joy because I love myself so much that I would never let that happen again.
Being able to let go is true happiness.
The relationship I have with myself has made me into a stronger person.
I don't ever see this relationship ending.
If you cant have a great relationship with yourself, how do you expect to have a successful relationship with someone else.
Being insecure, not loving myself took away any potential relationships I could have had.
When someone brought this to  my eyes, that I had let someone ruin me.
That's when I started focusing on myself again.
For anyone who never seems to truly be alone. Try it.
It will open your eyes, you will learn about your own strengths and great qualities you have to offer.
The only person at the end of the day that's going to be there next to you, no matter what is going to be yourself.
So until you find someone who loves you as much as you do, be in a relationship with yourself.
Even then, continue. Never stop working on yourself, because the relationship you have with yourself should be the most important.

Cleanse your body, mind, and soul.

<3

Stop over-thinking.

Stop it.

Just do it.

You can do it.

Maybe you can't.

I can't.

I'm doing it right now.

Everything I do, is over analyzed.

The thing is we know how harmful over thinking is.

It drags things on....and on...and on...

You replay it in your head while everyone else has moved on.

You know that guy that dumped you and ripped out your heart, hes already screwing over the next chick, while you are crying over some douche bag that didn't notice how great you are because he is a sociopath with no feelings or care for anyone else besides himself.

 Or maybe it was a fling that felt like a genuine friendship,  that they actually cared about you, but they drop you faster than a hot potato.

Or how about that friend that back stabbed you so fast that god himself couldn't even see him coming.

The thing is people suck and you can't sit around continuing to think about people that don't think about you.

Do not let people control your life.

Do not let them bring you down.

Do not  over think it.

People suck and its simple as that. 

If someone wants to walk out of your life, let them. And let them take all their bullshit with them!