Sometimes we fall for the wrong people, however these people seem so perfect at first.

We look past there flaws and only see what we want to see, but why? We are so scared to be alone that we will make some seem so perfect for us when they are everything we don't want.

I always try to look for someone different, but in reality they all are the same, some worse than others.

Stubborn

Self Centered

Narcissistic

Emotionally unavailable

Liars

Cheats

Charismatic

 Manipulative

It seems crazy but taking a 6 month break to really look at the type of people I get myself involved with helps.  

No one I have involved myself with in the past year was worth dating, being involved with or honestly being friends with.

I notice this afterwards of course.

So  now I know what I want, and i will not settle for less

 1. A MAN

I cant even stress this enough, no matter how old they are they seem to still act like little boys with fancy shiny ass toys. Childish, focused on short term things. They see me as a girl, no I do not play those stupid girl games. I am a woman, and I don't have time for back and forth bull crap.

 2. HONEST

I don't think I've been involved with one honest guy this year, they come off as honest. " I have nothing to hide" BULLSHIT. A white little lie is still a lie. Honesty is the most important factor in a relationship and if a relationship starts off with lies it will end on lies.

3. HAS GOALS

Short term. Long term.  Doesn't matter but if your 30 years old and your goal is to buy the new Nikes, probably not the best.

I'm really tired of being the fat friend.
I'm tired of being over looked.
I'm tired of never being good enough.
I'm tired of never being anyones first choice.
I am the fat friend.
The friend you don't set up on dates with your single friends.
I'm not the friend that all your single guy friends go googly eyed over.
 I'm the friend that is just there.
I'm a fun friend, I'm a loyal friend.
But I am the fat friend.
I'm the friend no one really notices if they are gone.
I'm the fat friend that makes everyone else look better
I'm tired of being a shadow, I;m tired of being overlooked.
I am that friend that guys use when they are bored.
The easy targeted friend,the only if I'm extremely wasted friend.
I've always been the fat friend.
I'm really fucking tired of it.

Dating Preference Challenged.

So this maybe a little ranty.....
Sorry. Not sorry.

So I've come across this question several times in my life, and also recently. I've been asked why I prefer not to date black men.

The truth is I do and would date a black man, however there is a type that I can not bring myself to get involved with.

These " Black" men that I am not attracted to:
 1. Sag their pants. I mean seriously pull you damn pants up! I don't get it. If you were in jail, you'd be asking for it.

2. Uses Ebonics. Seriously my biggest pet peeve. Speak English.You can speak Arabic, Spanish or Chinese I don't care. Something I can at least trey to learn and understand. I literally hate Ebonics, Its lazy speaking. Say the full word and what the hell is up with eliminating letters fro words.

"I goin to da sto."

wtf?

3. Talks about getting that cutty? First of all. I had to have some explain what that means. If you need to brag loudly about how you are gong to try to get laid all weekend. MAJOR TURN OFF!!!

4. You don't have your priorities in check. If your main priority is getting tattoos, buying those new jays and you cant even afford to pay your cell phone bill. Or you don't have a car and you still live with your parents. Why don't you save up, get your own place, buy a car and then maybe you can that cutty.

5. If you are loud and Obnoxious. I mean making a scene over nothing. Hootin and hollerin because you got it in this weekend. Or Claiming everything is because you are black. Believe me, being a a minority is hard. Discrimination is real. It happens, but if you exemplify every NEGATIVE stereotype of the African American race you are not helping yourself.

6. You act like a thug. End of story.

7. You do not have any productive and real goals. For instance, having a career, furthering your education, having a family. Not buying new shoes, or throwing stripper parties. But real life goals. Sure this can be short term goals. But that shouldnt be your only goal in life.



I was told that I am betraying my ancestors by preferring not to date  black men who exemplify these characteristics .  Which makes no sense. First off my Ancestors are from Africa, Germany, and Ireland. I am multi racial. I will embrace each of my ancestral lines. I will not conform to a cultural behavior that makes you look like an idiot. You do not have to be black to be an example of this. I don't care what race you are, i will not involve myself with you if you are like this.

Self love and weeding out the crazies

Here is a little rant from me today.

If I never re-found my self worth, i would probably be spending all of my time with some loser who is also doing the same thing to 5 other girls, and promising them the world and his love.

But I'm not.

My days are about me, I know that sounds selfish, but that's kind of the point.

I am not a fool for anyone. 

I am 21 years old, but I am wise.

I have dated 3 people in my dating career.

However, I have gone on  terrible dates, had pointless flings, encountered numerous awful '"pick up lines'"and "cat callings".

So here are a few words to try to weed out those bad apples with awful intentions.

1. If a guy only wants to talk to you when he is lonely, hes to desperate.

Don't go for the desperate ones, because they too need to find their self worth. how do you expect your partner to fully love you if they cant even love themselves. 

2. The " I can change for you guy." Now having  a guy who is willing to change his actions to no longer hurt a woman is different. Im talking about the man, who changes his personal belief system to fit your. Be with someone who is strong in their beliefs, however are open to listening to the other side, and accepts your beliefs without trying to change them.

3. The clingy guy. No one wants a cling on. And you should never be that cling on. Codependency is not is not attractive. Have separate lives and have a life together.  Of course being around a person and getting involved in their interests is only normal, but you need, and so do they , need to have separate interests. Think about this, it gives you something to talk about.

4. The Sweet talker. Mostly likely we will all meet this guy at some point. He is going to make you feel good about yourself, hes going to rise you up and put you on a podium. But don't get to high because soon hes going to knock you down. it may not be physical. Hes going to be the one to say I love you first, and its going to be soon. Hes going to be sweet and then not so sweet. You'll get suspicious of hos behavior and you'll question him, an he will turn it around on you. And in the end, you will find out everything was true. Most likely hes a sociopath, never caring about you enough to not hurt you.

These are just a few of the kinds of guys you might meet, but if you are a strong, independent, self loving woman you will know when you meet these men. 

Self-love is my first love, and then my partner. Not the other way around.

And if you have self love the chances of you finding a man who sees your inner beauty, electricity, self loving nature, you will find a man who likely has the same!

Never Settle for less ladies!

I'm in the best relationship!

So lately, I've been thinking.
I'm finally in the best relationship of my life.
I don't feel stressed, taken advantage of, abused or unloved in this relationship.
I can depend on this relationship, I enjoy this relationship.
There is so much love in this relationship that it spills over onto others.
This relationship is with myself.
I have never really (really) been single.
I mean yes, I haven't always had a title with the person I was involved with, but I wasn't single.
Even if they were.
I've never truly been alone, I've always had someone to call, to cuddle with, to hangout, go on dates with.
Its nice, I mean really nice to take time to myself, for myself.
The thing is, I was scared to be alone. I felt I always needed someone.
That's the poison, thinking you need someone.
You never need anyone.
 I let someone control my life for months because I thought I needed them. I let that person tarnish relationships I had with other people because I refused to listen to those trying to help me.
That relationship was toxic, and I couldn't help but continue to take in the poison.
I'm at this point, where I have finally moved on.
Ill never be at the point where I think what happened was ok, but I'm not going to let him ruin my life, while he is out living his.
I never thought I would be at this point, of no more tears from that pain.
But I am at the point where I have tears of joy because I love myself so much that I would never let that happen again.
Being able to let go is true happiness.
The relationship I have with myself has made me into a stronger person.
I don't ever see this relationship ending.
If you cant have a great relationship with yourself, how do you expect to have a successful relationship with someone else.
Being insecure, not loving myself took away any potential relationships I could have had.
When someone brought this to  my eyes, that I had let someone ruin me.
That's when I started focusing on myself again.
For anyone who never seems to truly be alone. Try it.
It will open your eyes, you will learn about your own strengths and great qualities you have to offer.
The only person at the end of the day that's going to be there next to you, no matter what is going to be yourself.
So until you find someone who loves you as much as you do, be in a relationship with yourself.
Even then, continue. Never stop working on yourself, because the relationship you have with yourself should be the most important.

Cleanse your body, mind, and soul.

<3

Stop over-thinking.

Stop it.

Just do it.

You can do it.

Maybe you can't.

I can't.

I'm doing it right now.

Everything I do, is over analyzed.

The thing is we know how harmful over thinking is.

It drags things on....and on...and on...

You replay it in your head while everyone else has moved on.

You know that guy that dumped you and ripped out your heart, hes already screwing over the next chick, while you are crying over some douche bag that didn't notice how great you are because he is a sociopath with no feelings or care for anyone else besides himself.

 Or maybe it was a fling that felt like a genuine friendship,  that they actually cared about you, but they drop you faster than a hot potato.

Or how about that friend that back stabbed you so fast that god himself couldn't even see him coming.

The thing is people suck and you can't sit around continuing to think about people that don't think about you.

Do not let people control your life.

Do not let them bring you down.

Do not  over think it.

People suck and its simple as that. 

If someone wants to walk out of your life, let them. And let them take all their bullshit with them!

You can't make someone love you.

You can love someone with all your being, but you can't make someone love you back in that same fashion. 

Maybe it's you, maybe it's not. 

But even if you're the pretty, smart, funny,kind: there is always going to be someone who won't see that. 

That's not your fault. Because you are all of those things and someone will see you for you, don't get caught up on that one who was to blind to see how special you are. 

It's ok, cry , scream, tell the world it's unfair but eventually move on. Pick yourself up, hold your head high, and find someone else.

Someone who will appreciate you. 

Someone who will see you for you and will love you. 

There's nothing worse than hoping and trying to make someone love you, because it's a pointless game. You won't win. It leaves you hurt and broken. 

It crushes your spirit it leaves you feeling worthless and drained.

Some fights are not worth fighting. 

Embrace the light: Let go of the Negative, Bring in the Positive

It may sound easy to let go of the negative and take in the positive.
Its not, its so hard to get out of that negative thinking to the point it consumes you and takes over your life. Bad things are gonna happen, and if its not one thing its gonna be ten other things. Life gives us obstacles for reasons we may never know. But our life path determines how we deal with those obstacles. Now I have had my fair share of obstacles in my life, and its never gonna stop. But we have to push through them even when we feel like its never ending. Its so common to focus on the bad things that happen to us, or the negative traits of some one else, or even yourself.
We are our hardest critics.
If you look in the mirror after your shower and you tell yourself:
I am worthless.
I am fat.
I hate myself.
I will never be loved.
You are doing it wrong, because if that was someone else in my life telling me that, there is no way they would last a day. So why do we do it to ourselves?
Be positive and positive will flow.
I am Kind.
I am worth alot.
I am strong.
I am beautiful inside and out.
And I will not punish myself any longer.

Life is such a beautiful thing, done waste it hating yourself and being negative. Embrace the light and shine.

Self - Love

Love is this powerful thing that can lift you up and make you feel like the world is beautiful, or it can destroy you. But the kind of love that matters the most is is self-love. When love destroys you, no one is going to be able to pick you up and fix it, like you can. You cant date someone else to get over the kind of hurt and pain that you are going through. The only person on this earth that is going to love you unconditionally and completely is yourself. Every flaw, every pound, every bad habit, the only one that will love you no matter is going to be yourself. Being in love with yourself is the best thing you can do, you will learn so much more about who you are than you will about any partner you may have.  You have to love yourself before before you try love someone else, because you will depend on that person for happiness, for joy , for love. No one, should ever control you. Control your self-worth, your happiness,and your life. Its hard, i wont lie to you. But you have to do it. You have to love yourself, because when no one else does, you need to be able to care of yourself. So many people fall into this pit of self loathing because their partner left them, they cheated on them, they destroyed them. The problem isn't you, the problem is them. Because even though we cant fully define love, i know for one thing that is not love. That is most certainly not love. You can sit around and cry , and cry and that's fine. But eventually you need to pick yourself up and live. Because its your life, your are worth more than that. Whether you see it now, or you see later. Its true. You define your worth, no one else.

You can love someone so much, and give them everything you have and if they still walk out of your life, let them go. And shut that door behind them, because they might realize that whatever they are chasing after is not as good as the love you showed them. Its not that you aren't good enough, its that they are too blind to see that you are worth everything.  And you deserve everything you want. If you have a partner that you try and try and try to make happy and it seems like nothing is working. You change your habits to make that person happy, you become someone you don't recognize. And that all your work and effort and love is taken for granted, walk away. Do not change yourself to accompany someone else, because if they aren't going to do the same. Its not worth it. You cant change someone, you cant fix someone, if they don't want to change that's on them, you move on and be happy by yourself. I would rather be happy and alone than feel run down and worthless and with someone that doesn't love me.